Even in the waters ripples
we see the reflection of who we are
and although it may be distorted,
it is only momentary.
A small part of who we are is just
some small moments in time.
For within it, there is still so much beauty
and grace that we cannot turn away from it......
so we watch it as it unfolds.
From chaos comes calm just as easily
as calm turns to chaos.
This is the way of life and with grace,
we must embrace it wholly...
the good, the bad, the indifferences…
It’s interesting how we hold onto parts of our past with our bodies and our minds. There was a time when rain used to make me feel sad, angry, and depressed. From what I remember, It goes back to my childhood. When it rained, I was forced to be stuck in the house with my brother, sister, and mother. Nothing really good ever came out of that perfect and chaotic storm. I remember It was enough to make me hate it though.
As I got older into my teenage years, I raced motorcycles competitively. On Sundays, I would travel all over New England to race my bikes. Rainy Sundays were the worst for me. I hated when it rained on Sundays so much that I would attempt to create reasons to not want to go to the races but I would always go anyway. I hated the mud and the feeling of being wet and not being able to get warm. It was chaotic out there on the track. I found myself crashing just to break something so I didn’t have to run the next moto. Then I could go home. Wallowing in my own “mud misery” that I created. Feeling defeated and broken.
Perhaps the biggest, and most chaotic reason happened on a rainy October night in 1998, my father was struck and killed as a pedestrian by a drunk driver. As he attempted to get into his car he was struck and thrown over the hood and under the vehicle in front of him. The driver hit him knowingly and kept going. My father died the next day after the decision to take him off of life support was made. I’ll spare all the details but being part of a decision like that was probably the hardest thing I ever had to participate in. As you can imagine. The man who killed him did turn himself in 5 days later. Perhaps out of quilt? or perhaps the fact that his girlfriend, who happened to be with him in the vehicle that night threatened to turn him in if he did not. Maybe it was her guilt? however, nonetheless, it did little to alleviate the pain and chaos of our loss. Things certainly changed that night.
Yesterday, it was raining hard. I was walking by this small body of water and was caught by the distraction of the rain and the ripples in the water. It forced me to pause and stare at this beauty unfolding before me. I ran back to my car to grab my phone to create this small video to capture what I was seeing. Nothing compares to actually being in the moment of it but I wanted to capture it anyway. As I stared at it, I thought to myself, what am I so afraid of in this rain? getting wet? then I realized, I think it is about all the chaos I have experienced throughout my life in the very moments like this. A drop of water, total disruption at that very moment. And then in the very silence of my next breath, the clam before the next drop of chaos. This truly is life. It will always be this way. The question I have to ask myself every day is how will I handle it now. How will I handle it tomorrow? and the next day? We have to learn to be with it in its presence! Its chaos and in its calm.
A single drop
of water can reduce a stone to
nothing just by the mere consistency
of its presence over time.
